A particular tune has been lingering in my mind this period, and no, it isn't from the singer's new album. It comes by a considerably more refined artist: Ms Rachel. The piece is named Big Feelings and its words state: “Big feelings are OK / I’m here to stay with your big feelings.”
The Emergence of Big Feelings On Social Media
Because of the trend for gentle parenting, the concept of “big feelings” has become big money digitally, and for the most part I welcome that. As a parent, strong emotions are hard to avoid: you are feeling them, the youngster in your home is having them and, in one of the largest departures for us as a humanity, so are myriad other children on your online platforms.
In fact, recordings of babies and children sobbing is so commonplace on some platforms that a lot of parents accept it without thought. I don't have TikTok and my Instagram feed is primarily centered around broth and magic, but when a associate told me that she thought the practice alarming, not to mention unethical, I observed some of the videos myself.
My Observations: Kids at Their Most Exposed
What I found was video after video of children at their most exposed. Weeping, screaming, crying out, and sometimes acting out. I have of course been present to these situations in my own house, but observing someone else’s child experiencing it feels profoundly disturbing, especially when that child is without reassurance by their own parent. Least forgivable is a type of video in which caregivers put their children to sinus clearing while their baby or toddler weeps and shouts directly to camera. It is important to mention that many of the videos are not as extreme, and yet there is nevertheless something horrible about them all.
When Intense Reactions Do Not Become Traumatic
Certainly, “big feelings” do not always have to be completely distressing. When your child is sitting on the pavement distraught at the understanding that treats are limited it can be difficult to keep a straight face. Many of us have been regaled with tales of notably unforgettable meltdowns of our own. My own involved shouting “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!” in the foyer of the Institute of Contemporary Arts in the heart of the city. Playfully teasing your child about a moment they had a meltdown, or chuckling over it with your partner once they have retired for the night, is one thing. Filming a child in a time of vulnerability and sharing it to the web for all to see without permission is a different matter entirely.
Unpleasant Phenomena and Humiliation
Furthermore you have the trends that are just unpleasant, such as one that included surprising babies into silence by tossing a processed food at their faces, or breaking an egg on them. That kind of content appears designed for humiliating children. In a report for the a major publication, a journalist commented: “The eeriest part of these videos [is that] the parents are scarcely engaging with their kids. Instead they are responding to a mirror image of their children that they are spreading online. And they are reveling in their power over that image.”
The Defense of Learning Moments
There are video makers who would abhor such content. They assert that they are recording their children at their most fragile not to mock them, but because they are attempting to develop educational instances – “just look at how serenely and beautifully I was able to manage this child’s tantrum using these strategies”. Several even aim to avoid certain criticism. “This video is published to inform and increase understanding – not for support or opinions”, one video, posted by an page run by a medical professional, apparently says. The statement that ensues is one of the most self-applauding foolishness I have encountered on the web. “If you aren't living the life, don’t judge the moment.”
A Question of Duty
Why not you refrain from sharing the moment? I can't help but ask. Because I certainly critique these people. The impression I get, when I observe a video of a little one in turmoil, whether their parent is showing solace or not, is a failure of responsibility – the responsibility to be present for your child. And I question what implication it conveys, where when your child demonstrates a “big feeling”, you get your phone out. What message does that send to your baby about their completely normal emotions? “Sharing real moments is part of the learning”, supposedly.
Considerations on Child Development
As my spouse and I start touring schools for our child, it’s hard not to think about how strategies to child development have evolved since we were young. There is an greater recognition of the fact that “big feelings” are normal for youngsters. Nowadays many adults attempt to validate those emotions and give children a secure environment in which to communicate their emotions. However despite what the gentle parenting influencers claim, I cannot accept you can really provide a safe space for your child if you are capturing their moments of vulnerability and breaching their privacy and self-respect in the procedure. Truthfully, I cannot see these people have a lot to instruct any of us about upbringing.
A Final Reflection
A few people who will consider that harsh, who would object to the fact that in some ways I’d sooner put a dairy product on my son's forehead for a laugh than exploit his distress as a educational instance for views. But to them I would state this: if “each conduct is expression”, what, exactly, are these adults aiming to express?
